the prettiest star

Laugh now, but one day we'll be in charge.

Wednesday, October 5

The Summer of Discontent

Not that it's actually summer any more, but sometimes you start a season with a distinct feeling that the last was frittered away. Three and a half months and I am no better off, financially, romantically, and didn't do half the things I wanted to do.

And so I find myself somewhat miffed.

I am quite disturbed that my last notable sexual encounter was with the man across the road after a 2 many dj's gig. In his front room. He has green hair and questionable manners. Before him is a guy I'm still supposed to be seeing who is perfect in every way apart from our most intiamate moments seem to involve some awkward fumbling and fiddling with condoms under a duvet in a darkened room.

There has to be more than this, surely? I'm nearly twenty but most of the time I feel 15.

It's this whole emotional ineptitude which is quite alarming. My housemate just split with his girlfriend after a very intense 8 month relationship, she's in Morroco and apparantly doesn't love him any more. This hapenned a week ago and the guy will not stop crying.

I don't deal with crying men, they make my skin crawl and I avoid dealing with them at all costs.

So it's got to the point where I'm hiding from my housemate because it's getting a bit silly. I asked him if he wanted to come to the supermarket to which he replied there were too many memories there.

What total bollocks. Everyone goes to Asda.

I must admit that I can't ever imagine being so into someone that the local supermarket is just too much for me. It verges on the ridiculous.

It's also quite disturbing.

When my parents broke up it didn't stop my mum from going to the local shop for a paper.

It's such a little thing and I don't know what it is exactly that's bothering me. But this discontent has been lingering all summer. It was that I was earning and yet not quite enough to clear my debt. I was dating, but not forming relationships. I was happy enough but not doing anything really fullfilling.

Now it's my environment and it's so petty.