the prettiest star

Laugh now, but one day we'll be in charge.

Monday, May 23

Transistions.


There's something I do every summer, always round about this time. I make a plan. Since I was around 12, I always kept a diary and would make a list of all the things I wanted to do that summer and would then keep a record. Like a great multi-tasking demon, I always do the things on the list, I keep them within reason and I love getting to September and knowing I've done all these things.

Everyone that reads this and comments is older than me, and may not relate to this entirely, but it's weird how much your life changes each year when you are in your teens. Only 3 years ago I was still in a school uniform, intepreting the rule for 'tights' as 'bright pink fishnets worn over opaque black tights' and listening to Fiona Apple and being sulky. The academic year runs from September to June/July so summer is my transistional period. It's the end of a school year and things move so quickly at this age.

So since I started secondary school when I was 11 I kept a summer plan. It's a strange feeling knowing you have all these months ahead of you with nothing to do. So I need to do it to give myself goals. All through the school year my head is filled with deadlines, exams, reading, boring stuff and I think it's important to develop yourself personally as well as academically.

Without my plan, I would never have gone on holiday when I was 17, read most of the classics when I was 16, or gone to Leeds festival when I was 14. A lot of the stuff when I was younger revolved around manipulating my parents or getting money to do something, or pulling some guy. I'm ashamed to say it hasn't really changed since then!

This year has obviously been a crazy one for me. I've left home, moved to a new city, completed the first year of my degree and finally my independant streak that battled with whoever supressed me, has been set free. My personal relationships, with old friends, new friends, and family have been tested and I feel like I'm in a good place with the people around me. There's not enough space to talk about all the experiences I've had this year, but I've definately learnt more this year than any other in my life.

And I'm happy. Superficially, and deeply happy. I have looked forward to University ever since I first stepped into school, with it's sadistic 'teachers'. Now, when people ask me how I've been, I smile and say I'm doing great. I know I complain a lot, but the blog is my proverbial whine-box (like a swear box) and if you knew me in real life, I'm quite upbeat.

There's always room for more though, and this year is no different. I don't want to turn into who I was over the easter hols- fat and wandering around in pyjamas, smoking and drinking myself comatose every night. And I wondered why no one fancied me.

I've made another blog for my plan and I'll be writing in it twice a day. Once in the morning and once at night. I'll be talking about my progress, and hopefully ticking some boxes. This will still be my blog, but I need the other one to talk about calories, miles I've ran, men I've pulled, and generally anything related to my plan. It's of no interest really to anyone but myself so I don't want it on here. It won't affect what I write on here.

If you should wish to comment on it, which is highly unlikely (sample quote 'I ate a pizza at 5am, that doesn't count, right?') please email me cuz I want it separate from this blog and I don't want to have comments on that page, cuz, well I just don't.

So for the next four months, if you wish to view my progress, it will be here. It's only the random whining of a 19 yr old desperate not to turn into Bridget Jones, but it's another me.