the prettiest star

Laugh now, but one day we'll be in charge.

Monday, May 30

He's a dick. In fact, they are ALL dicks.

*This post is long and very full of Brit slang. I've put a glossary at the bottom to help you read!*

A brief summary of my weekend: Friday: No he didn't call. Saturday: Went out again, met a guy, gave him my number. He's texted but I don't want to see him- he smokes. Sunday: Went out, spent £27, that's the equivalent of $49, just on cocktails. I had 5 cocktails, shared a jug with 3 people, then a jug to myself. I still didn't feel that drunk.

England, and in particular, Leeds, suck. The men are all complete tossers. My only remaining single friend (Rach got a boyf!) Sophie, was saying that maybe it's just a Leeds thing. She says that she has not pulled one man and finds the whole process much easier at home. Now, I would say that I have improved in experience since starting uni, but I never had a shortage of men at home. So wtf?! I get more attractive but no one wants me? Should I revert to having horrible unflattering short hair with about ten colours in it? Perhaps if I wear hideous ill-fitting clothes I will suddenly appear more attractive?

In the bar last night, we got IDd, then had a giggle over everyone's driving licenses. Everyone looks awful. Yet all three of us had a steady stream of men back then. Yet all I got this weekend was no-call guy and then Sat nite guy, who I would date apart from several things. First, it hapenned to be a uk urban night, and I was chuffed cuz they were playing Roots Manuva, Pay As U Go and the like. Anyway, there's this song, Stand Up Tall by Dizzee Rascal, and I love this song- all of us do- and this guy's bugging me. But he's fit so I stop and talk. Then he asks why I'm there if I'm not from London. Wtf?! He's all 'UK garage is a London ting!'. I really cannot be bothered to argue with this man, he's a total knobsack. So I really want to get back to this song, but he is persistent. Then he tells me I'm fit and asks for my number, and I give it to him to get him off my back. The he says 'Are you Asian?' which is insane, a lot of my friends are Asian, but they are obviously darker, and well, Asian. Then he starts smoking so I just escape.

That is the only kind of man I can get.

And I know it's not the kind of places I go to. I went to a old school hip hop night, an urban night, and an indie/ funky house night, and yet all the men are the same.

You've got metros, trendy boys, indie boys, bad boys, chavs, gangstas and the weirdos. I don't want any of them! There is only so much pulling you can do before it gets totally demoralizing. If they aren't the kind that calls, then they are making random claims at your ethnicity, telling you what music to listen to, or whatever. I remember a time when all I had to do was make eye contact and you'd pulled. I had a great little life. In fact I had a bloody sex life, which is something painfully missing right now.

I'm very mardy and hungover and I'm supposed to be moving out today, yet I am still in pyjamas, in bed, eating a load of fried stuff with cheese. I know I'm going to be so foul mouthed and sulky. I hoped writing this would help, but it hasn't. I guess my family are going to have to deal with me giving everyone evils. I hope to god my mother doesn't try and talk to me about contraception, or aids, or the size of my arse. All those years she spent keeping me away from boys and stopping me wearing make up and now all she does is nit pick and match make. I swear, I would sooner prostitute myself on ebay than date one of her suited, smarmy reps. Ergh.

And no doubt all her friends will come over and start their childish competing. Mum will start talking about how I've started getting writing jobs, and I've done so well (ha!) at uni, then when asked if I have a boyfriend she'll probably make one up or say I'm a lesbian. My Mum was championed back in the day, because she never let me have boys in room, boys overnight (still doesn't) and was generally a little mussolini when it came to dating. Now she throws me at whoever, or whatever, in some cases, and people say 'Poor Oleyda with the daughter that no one wants'. I'm not shitting you.

I don't get it- it's not like I enjoy being single. I like the freedom, but not, quite honestly, the lack of a sex life. People can't put ideas into my head that were there anyway. No amount of discussion with my friends, my mum, random stranger in club toilets, is going to improve the situation.

Thing is, I almost wish there was something wrong with me so I had a reason. But there isn't. I can talk about anything, music, fashion, football, sex, food, porn, whatever. I am not clingy, I'm not too nice, and no, I don't try too hard. Then there's the way I look. I've posted photos here but they aren't me. I mean, they are of me, but are a piss poor representation of what I actually look like. I am often drunk when near a camera, and I just look shit in photos anyway. So trust me when I tell you I am not hideous. So what gives?

Okay, I think I will make pancakes tonight, then I will watch Frida (didn't let no man mess with her), Y Tu Mama Tambien (perve on Gael Garcia Bernal), and Amores Perros (more perving on Gael) and hopefully I'll pick up some more Spanish. So when I fuck off to Spain, where, despite looking like most of the women there, I am actually considered a catch. And the men are actually men, not prissy metros afraid to show any sign at all of actual attraction.

I look Spanish, and I speak Latin American Spanish with an English accent, so that is always a conversation starter with anyone. The guys are gorgeous, and nice, and they are amazing in the sack. I had sex with a Spanish guy on holiday, and frankly, nothing has been good enough since. It's cuz they can dance.

(The Spain thing, by the way, is real. The company my Mum works for have offered me a job in their press office in Barcelona when I graduate.)

Whats my point?! Right. I should just wait to go to Spain. I will accept that British men are complete dicks. Total cocksuckers who can go to hell if they think I'm going to give them the time of day. I am not going to try anymore. Yes, so it was part of the plan, but anymore rejection will be detrimental to my mental health.

V's vocab.
tosser- a stupid guy
Leeds- Capital of the north!
UK Urban- a genre of music originiating in London, a bit of hip hop, bit of r n b, bit of drum and bass
chuffed- happy
Roots Manuva- my fave london mc
Pay As U Go- hardcore drum and bass, my little bro loves them
Dizzee Rascal- genius
bugging me- pissing me off to great extent
fit- good looking, nice body
UK garage- genre of urban, deep bass, fast paced
ting- a london way of saying 'thing'
knobsack- the worst kind of man
Asian- someone from around India/ Pakistan
indie- non mainstream rock
funky house- shit dance music
metro- Metrosexual
trendy boy- metro but less gay
indie boy- fit
bad boy- wannabe gangsta
gangsta- scary
chav- dire
pulling- the art of finding a man
mardy- moody
evils- a nasty look
nit pick- irritate
in the sack- in bed