the prettiest star

Laugh now, but one day we'll be in charge.

Wednesday, May 11

Back in the day....

'Come on Jax, I spent most of my teens dating ugly, unintelligent men because I believed everything is worth a shot. Take it from me, if you aren't happy, get the hell out. Or you'll wake up one morning and realise you've spent 20 months dating a fat racist neanderthal who spends half his life stoned.'

Isn't it great how you can be totally honest with your closest friends? This is what I said to my friend last night. Jax is a proper old-school friend. She's one of the group of friends who I'll say absolutely anything to. We went though our skater girl phase, our indie phase, the hippy phase, all together. We discovered festivals, clubbing, drinking, smoking (both kinds), sex, all of that, together.

Anyway, the above comment, I would not say to anyone but them. They know my truth. Jax made me write down all the guys I've slept with. Its not short, and not pretty. I appreciate her making me do it though. We concluded two very important things about each other: Me, I need to wait more before putting out to avoid sleeping with dicks, and Jax, she needs to think about what she really wants, if she thinks she can do better she needs to get out. Isn't it great what you can learn from each other? Together, me and my school friends have 24 years dating experience.

For some people, looking at old photos makes you feel nostalgic, happy, wished you still looked like that. Not so for us. The other day, I was with 3 of my school friends, and Ali, idiot, brought photos. It was a mental hernia. I used to dye my hair red with henna, I customized my clothes. This was before hair straighteners, before eyebrow pencil. We looked like hippy lesbians. Just awful. And the boyfriends? Holy crap. Clearly I wasn't bothered by dating total stoners.

There are some good photos though. Like, our first gig, our year 11 group pic, our year 11 leavers social, our holidays, our results days, our year 13 ball, birthdays... I can see why my Mum hated the way I looked though- my hair colour changed every week, my ears were (still are) heavily pierced, I didn't own a pair of jeans less than 20 years old and I never had a cigarette out of my mouth. This is only three years ago, it's quite scary. The pictures I posted yesterday are from when I stopped being like that.

More than anything, I remember the music. I was in secondary school from 1997 until 2004. It started with the Spice Girls, went on to Alanis Morissette, then Foo Fighters, Red Hot Chili Peppers (so year 10 lying on the school field listening to Cali), then The Strokes and it ended with Joss Stone and Kanye West. We saw so much live music, we discovered every genre, from every time. We were babies during Nirvana, Pixies, Sonic Youth, Primal Scream, we were 9 at the height of Britpop. Didn't stop us from reliving the whole thing again though.

This time of year, summer, always makes me think like this. Each summer has been better than the last. Last summer we were 18 and were legally drinking in the pub. When we were 17 we were learning to drive and then illegaly drinking in the pub. At 16 we had finished our GCSEs and discovering sex. 15 was when I first smoked weed.Now we're 19 and I don't think there's anything left to do! We all have houses and cars, we've done and seen it all.

I remember listening to the Ataris cover of 'Boys of Summer', years ago, and talking about where we'd be in a years time. I forget how exciting it is to be 16 and knowing everything will change in the next 5 years. I never thought I'd stop cutting my own hair, or stop making my own clothes. There's still a bit of the 16 year old me left though. Take a look at my CD collection, it shocks most people. I still wear 7 earrings. I still drink alcohol from the bottle. And I can still make a bong.

What do you remember most about being 16?