the prettiest star

Laugh now, but one day we'll be in charge.

Wednesday, April 27

There was a time I thought I was some Spanish person's child that got left in England by mistake.

My diet that I started to lose all my holiday weight is going really well. I've been eating so much better, and I feel healthier. That was the thing, when I eat crap I feel crap. My skin was all icky, I was bloated, and I was dehydrated. So now, although the weight loss is gradual, I'm feeling really good. My skin is so clear and I feel really perky from all the good food I've been having.

I remember having serious body issues as a kid- who didn't? I was never fat growing up, but it took me a long, long, time to realise that I would never be a skinny person. See, it just is not in my genes to be skinny. I'm part latin, home of big butts, and I didn't accept this until I was about 16. Where I grew up, everyone was white, and my friends were all very slim. I remember starting school when I was 11 and being the only girl wearing a bra.

Looking at photos, my body was just fine, but I went to school in the 90s- it wasn't a good thing to be curvy. I would hate that my Mum was foreign. People would see her and go 'oh that's your mother ?!!' and I would curse her for giving me curly hair and all these other characteristics. I would highlight my hair so it looked lighter, and always wore it straight. I avoided tight jeans or anything that clung to my bum.

None of my Mum's family are skinny, and over there men hate skinny women. I went over there when I was 16 and realised that I just take after my mother more than my Dad. As you will have seen from the photo, my face is quite European (I think). Compare me to an English person and it's obvious that I'm not totally white, but I don't look like my Mum at all. I don't look like my Dad either though. I used to think I was some Spanish person's child that got left in England by mistake.

So after that holiday, I stopped obsessing about my weight and how I looked, and became more accepting of who I was. Now, I wear my hair curly, I have it dark, and I don't hate my body.

I think things are always weird if you belong to more than one culture. I have a lot of friends who are half something, mainly latin countries, and for all of us, it took a while to realise it's something you should be proud of. I love going to countries in the Med, as I look like everyone else and it's fun pretending I'm Spanish, or Greek, or Italian.

I once saw a photo of my grandmother, who died when I was really little. She looked exactly like me in this photo. I always wondered why my Tias would stroke my hair and say 'Ah se parece a Mama'. I then got told my grandmother was the love child of a Dutch pirate and a native Venezuelan. Half white European, and half native, just like me.

Looking at my Mum you wouldn't know she was part Dutch, as my grandfather was very dark. But her brothers and sisters and my cousins are all completely different colours, it's quite cool. I have some family that are black, and some that are almost blonde, but I'm the only one that looks like my grandmother. It would have been cool if my Dad was a pirate though.