the prettiest star

Laugh now, but one day we'll be in charge.

Saturday, April 16

One day into my diet and I ate 12 jaffa cakes!

In theory, losing weight is not rocket science. Two simple rules:

1. Eat less.

2. Exercise more.

So why can't I stick to this?

The diet was going fantasically well until my Mum made flambe bananas and I demolished a pack of jaffa cakes. These are not diet foods!

Did you know one jaffa cake has around 50 calories? That means I consumed 600 calories alone in jaffa cakes today. What is the point?

I am so very weak. What is wrong with me?

I blame my Mum for everything. I blame her stupid good cooking. Most of all I blame her stupid body that I inherited. Could I have inherited my Dad's slim, you might even say athletic, physique? No.

No. I have an arse you can park a bike in, breasts that can masquerade as a nifty shelf for snacks at parties and a stomach which bloats at the very thought of pasta or bread.

I'm not happy!

And instead of supporting me, my family insist on cooking only the most calorific foods. Shepards pie anyone? How about steak and chips? Flambe bloody bananas?

I may as well skip the middle man and just stick the food onto my body .