the prettiest star

Laugh now, but one day we'll be in charge.

Tuesday, March 1

In my head I'm still 15.

I phoned the doctor this morning for the result of my stabbing (I still have the bruises) and apparantly I don't have glandular fever, which is good but I still have the biggest mfing pair of tonsils so they said they had a cancellation but I had to get there asap. I got ready dead quick, no make-up and skanky clothes. So doc tells me I have a no-name viral infection, and the only cure is rest. So I walked back to my flat and I saw James the fittie, who is the one guy I've said if nothing happens by the end of the year I'm just gonna jump on him cuz he is a fittie of extreme proportions.

Every time I see him I look a total state and today was no exception. The trouble is, he lives in my building and he always catches me running late for my lectures. He likes to point out that I've only mascared one eye, or that I'm still wearing my flip-flops (yes that has actually happened). My trouble is that I cannot dress myself when I'm tired. I often look at myself hours later and wonder what the hell I was thinking. James has seen me twice looking normal. One time I was parking my car and he smirked at my pathetic attempts at parallel parking. The other time was on a night out and I ran up to him smiling, as if to say 'Look! I've mascared both eyes! And I'm wearing nice clothes! Look at me!'.

What it is about fit guys that bring out the worst in me? I had the biggest crush on a guy at school and anytime he came near me I'd fall over or spill something. When I was working as a lifeguard last summer I fancied all the other guys and as a result acted completely dumb all the time. Why can't I be cool and glamourous? This is why I'm single, I'm sure. It's because in my head I'm still 15. Deep down all I want is a night in with my friends watching cheerleading movies, eating ice cream and cookie and discussing what 3rd base feels like. In fact, to be honest with you I don't think it's really clicked with me yet that I'm at university, it feels like one big long sleepover, or a holiday.

Anyway, I need advice. I couldn't quite bring myself to ask this doctor if it's okay to drink or kiss now I don't have glandular fever. I dunno if that applies to viruses as well. Anybody know? I'd ask my mother but she thinks little enough of me as it is...