the prettiest star

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Tuesday, March 8

Bad dates- part 1- Little Man

My worst date ever, by a long way, was Little Man.

The day I met him, my friend had just come up to see me and we were having a great time round all the bars in the city. It was inbetween Christmas and New Year, and I was working, and so wasn't at home, I was still in my flat. We went into a cocktail bar I know well from many stage society socials, called Mononi.

So, we go into the bar and the barman starts chatting me up. We seem to have a lot in common, his parents are from Spain, and his hometown is very near mine. So we order drinks and food, and he keeps talking to me. I'm thinking, he's ok, could be cute, but I figured I'd keep talking. (I should point out I had been drinking all day). So he tells me his shift finishes soon, and I point out I'm here with my friend, but he sits with us anyway. At this point alarm bells should have been ringing, as he tells me he likes house music. It gets worse. He tells me he wishes my friend would go away. By this point I was so drunk I couldn't hear. So somehow, he gets my number off my phone while I'm in the toilet.

Yes I know you'll be thinking I'm insane, but when you're that drunk, you just don't care. So Little Man attempts to invite himself on our night out, and I'm like NO. So I tell him we can meet up the next day before I start work (why did I do this? Why?).

So the next day I wake up with a cracking hangover. Me and my friend having spent that night getting wasted on cocktails. I get a text on my phone, informing me I am to meet this guy at 12 for lunch. My friend can't remember what he looks like, neither can I but we figure I should go anyway. Foolish girls that we are...

So, I arrive outside Wokmania to meet him. I'm early, so I hang around. Then I spot this kid in front of me and I think he might be lost so I ask if he's okay. The kid replies 'V?'. Yes he was tiny. I am only 5'3" so normally I don't struggle to find a man tall enough, but I can see over his head and I'm wearing flats. I cannot escape so I just find a smile in me and just go with it.

We get inside Wokmania and I can't help but notice he's kinda chubby and SO SMALL. It dawns on me that at no point the night before had either of us been standing at the same time. And I was wankered. So this date is truly awful. He's rude to the waitress, and he informs me he wishes to buy a pair of cowboy boots. With heels. I begin to panic, I get that sick feeling in my stomach, so I figure I have to escape. So I 'suddenly' remember I have to start work early.

He walks me to work, and I really cannot get over how mini he is. Outside work he asks 'So do I get a kiss then' I reply 'No!' and run away, literally. Now you would hope that would be the last of him, but there is a funny twist to this story.

Some weeks later me and my friend Sophie are chatting on msn. The conversation was so funny that we saved it, so for your entertainment I will copy it here if my computer will let me...

sophiaaaa says: i met a guy called j___ on thirsday night
V says: i went on a date with a guy called j___!!!!! is he really small?
sophiaaaa says: YES!!!!
sophiaaaa says: oh my god!!!
V says: omg the same 1!!!!!!
V says: from derby?
sophiaaaa says: there cant be more than one j___!
sophiaaaa says: actually i dont know where he was from
sophiaaaa says: could quite poss have been derby tho
V says: was he dark haired with a little beard
sophiaaaa says: yeeeeah
V says: noooooooooooo
sophiaaaa says: does biology second year?
V says: ESCAPE NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
sophiaaaa says: LOL!!!!!!!!!!!
sophiaaaa says: oh my god is it def the same one???????
V says: hes the infamous little man
sophiaaaa says: lol
sophiaaaa says: he wore like a red beany hat?
V says:yesssssssssss
V says: hes the scariest thing, plz dnt eva talk 2 him
sophiaaaa says: really? i thiuhgt he seemed so nice!!!
sophiaaaa says: he was a really good pull tho!
V says: how so?
V says: did u kiss him???!??!?!?!?!
sophiaaaa says: YES!!!!!!!
sophiaaaa says: I was sooo drunk
V says: NO!!
sophiaaaa says: I WOKE UP WITH A LOVE BITE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, he texts me like a month later, asking if he can see me again, and I text on on Sophie's phone, saying 'NO!!! u r small, please find someone your own size. ie, not me or sophie!'

Thus ends the tale of Little Man.