the prettiest star

Laugh now, but one day we'll be in charge.

Sunday, February 27

Sex and the single girl.

I hate being nocturnal. I've always gone to bed really quite late, or not at all, but I appear to be the only person ever who does this! I'm really suprised by how boring some of my uni friends are. I keep telling them that WE ARE AT UNI AND SHOULD BE HAVING CRAZY FUN, to no avail. Our first year doesn't count either, all we have to do is pass. I just don't get it. Part of the problem is that my best mate Rach, who comes from the same town as me, dropped out, changed courses, and is at home until Sept, so I don't see her so much. And many of my friends have boyfriends, like Jen, who is currently being loves young dream with Ash.

Now there's a couple that fill me with revulsion. I went to see Jen earlier and was completely appalled by how disgusting she and Ash are. They literally romped on the bed in front of me, I left quietly and don't even think they noticed. Why do they do this to themselves? They are 18 and 19 respectively. I mean, they feed each other for god's sake. On the rare occurance that they go out alone they are phoning and texting to the point that Rach once hid Jen's phone in her bra (she has breasts of collosal proportions). Jen went home early in case Ash was worried. I mean, good lord! This happened to my friend Ali. She went to Nepal on her gap year and returned in January. Her boyfriend's uni is 30 mins drive from mine and has she been to see me? Has she fuck, because every time I phone her she's 'with Cal' and couldn't possibly spare a minute for her best friend since primary school. Can these people not act like the vast majority of couples who manage to not lick each other for at least 10 minutes?

I'm sorry about the ranting but I am very frustrated right now. I don't get why some of my friends are so eager to turn into our parents. Am I the only person (apart from Rach) who thinks 19 is perhaps just a little too young for settling down? God forbid that I might actually enjoy my life before being dragged down the proverbial aisle to marry an unintelligent, mullet-wielding, Von Dutch cap-wearing moron that this country is so keen on producing. Is it so shameful that I would like an education and (shock!) career before my mother finally breaks me and I produce several screaming poo machines? I have actually been dumped for being too non-commital.

One legendary friend of mine, Stace, is like me in her attitude towards all this. She is the creator of the infamous 'It doesn't count if they can't see you!' way of life. We were stuck with some seriously limpet- like boyfriends last summer and try as we might, they just wouldn't fuck off. Every day off work we had would be spent sunbathing, or swimming or just having fun. One day we were getting our hair done together and my limpet rang. The conversation went something like this:

Limpet: So, like, yeah, I've been hearing stuff about you V!
V: Oh. Care to elaborate?
L: My mate Paul says you were like, all over this guy in Media last night. So what the fuck?
V: (giving thumbs up at Stace and mouthing 'yessssss!!!) Yeah Media was fun last night.
L: V! I have not seen you in two weeks and now I hear this! I am hurt.
V: So get a plaster. I've been busy.
(Stace audibly laughing hysterically in background)
L: You are a bad girlfriend. I'm going to leave you.
V: Ok then, bye. (Puts phone down, high 5 to Stace. Following night is spent getting wasted on 2 4 1 cocktails at Liquid and passing out in taxi home.)
Some days later, Stace got dumped when she introduced her limpet to her new boyfriend.

While we're at it, I am also sick of being berated for enjoying sex. I mean, I have big respect for people who want to wait until they are married or who don't believe in sex outside a relationship, but I am single and hate me if you will, but I don't want everything to heal up. I'd like to also point out here that I'm not one of those girls who go out in a bit of dental floss and a feather and dance so that everyone can see their cervix, looking for a one-night-stand. I am not a skank, or a slut and I am certainly not anyone's ho. My favourite character in SATC is Samantha, yes she is the one who has a lot of sex, and yes I she's my favourite for that very reason. If a good looking man free of VDs wants to get it on, and no he won't tell all his mates about it, who am I to refuse? If it works out, then great, if not, then at least everyone had a good time!

Every time me, Rach, and our friend Clare amuse each other with tales of bad sex, overly-noisy men and too-small penises our other friends look at us like we went into their family home and pissed on the three-piece-suite! So if there is anyone out there who agrees with any of the points I've made so far, please be in touch and join me and Rach against people who think 'I have a boyfriend and therefore he is my life', and especially against the 'You enjoy sex and therefore you must bitch-slapped and made to think about what you've done' crew. They must be stopped.