the prettiest star

Laugh now, but one day we'll be in charge.

Sunday, February 27

Sex and the single girl.

I hate being nocturnal. I've always gone to bed really quite late, or not at all, but I appear to be the only person ever who does this! I'm really suprised by how boring some of my uni friends are. I keep telling them that WE ARE AT UNI AND SHOULD BE HAVING CRAZY FUN, to no avail. Our first year doesn't count either, all we have to do is pass. I just don't get it. Part of the problem is that my best mate Rach, who comes from the same town as me, dropped out, changed courses, and is at home until Sept, so I don't see her so much. And many of my friends have boyfriends, like Jen, who is currently being loves young dream with Ash.

Now there's a couple that fill me with revulsion. I went to see Jen earlier and was completely appalled by how disgusting she and Ash are. They literally romped on the bed in front of me, I left quietly and don't even think they noticed. Why do they do this to themselves? They are 18 and 19 respectively. I mean, they feed each other for god's sake. On the rare occurance that they go out alone they are phoning and texting to the point that Rach once hid Jen's phone in her bra (she has breasts of collosal proportions). Jen went home early in case Ash was worried. I mean, good lord! This happened to my friend Ali. She went to Nepal on her gap year and returned in January. Her boyfriend's uni is 30 mins drive from mine and has she been to see me? Has she fuck, because every time I phone her she's 'with Cal' and couldn't possibly spare a minute for her best friend since primary school. Can these people not act like the vast majority of couples who manage to not lick each other for at least 10 minutes?

I'm sorry about the ranting but I am very frustrated right now. I don't get why some of my friends are so eager to turn into our parents. Am I the only person (apart from Rach) who thinks 19 is perhaps just a little too young for settling down? God forbid that I might actually enjoy my life before being dragged down the proverbial aisle to marry an unintelligent, mullet-wielding, Von Dutch cap-wearing moron that this country is so keen on producing. Is it so shameful that I would like an education and (shock!) career before my mother finally breaks me and I produce several screaming poo machines? I have actually been dumped for being too non-commital.

One legendary friend of mine, Stace, is like me in her attitude towards all this. She is the creator of the infamous 'It doesn't count if they can't see you!' way of life. We were stuck with some seriously limpet- like boyfriends last summer and try as we might, they just wouldn't fuck off. Every day off work we had would be spent sunbathing, or swimming or just having fun. One day we were getting our hair done together and my limpet rang. The conversation went something like this:

Limpet: So, like, yeah, I've been hearing stuff about you V!
V: Oh. Care to elaborate?
L: My mate Paul says you were like, all over this guy in Media last night. So what the fuck?
V: (giving thumbs up at Stace and mouthing 'yessssss!!!) Yeah Media was fun last night.
L: V! I have not seen you in two weeks and now I hear this! I am hurt.
V: So get a plaster. I've been busy.
(Stace audibly laughing hysterically in background)
L: You are a bad girlfriend. I'm going to leave you.
V: Ok then, bye. (Puts phone down, high 5 to Stace. Following night is spent getting wasted on 2 4 1 cocktails at Liquid and passing out in taxi home.)
Some days later, Stace got dumped when she introduced her limpet to her new boyfriend.

While we're at it, I am also sick of being berated for enjoying sex. I mean, I have big respect for people who want to wait until they are married or who don't believe in sex outside a relationship, but I am single and hate me if you will, but I don't want everything to heal up. I'd like to also point out here that I'm not one of those girls who go out in a bit of dental floss and a feather and dance so that everyone can see their cervix, looking for a one-night-stand. I am not a skank, or a slut and I am certainly not anyone's ho. My favourite character in SATC is Samantha, yes she is the one who has a lot of sex, and yes I she's my favourite for that very reason. If a good looking man free of VDs wants to get it on, and no he won't tell all his mates about it, who am I to refuse? If it works out, then great, if not, then at least everyone had a good time!

Every time me, Rach, and our friend Clare amuse each other with tales of bad sex, overly-noisy men and too-small penises our other friends look at us like we went into their family home and pissed on the three-piece-suite! So if there is anyone out there who agrees with any of the points I've made so far, please be in touch and join me and Rach against people who think 'I have a boyfriend and therefore he is my life', and especially against the 'You enjoy sex and therefore you must bitch-slapped and made to think about what you've done' crew. They must be stopped.

The inappropriate boyfriend and the asshat flatmate.

So I'm back from home, was pretty uneventful. Car journey was every bit as painful as I imagined it would be. Boyfriend every bit as painful as I imagined he would be. Little brother as painful... you get the idea. I just spend two lovely days sat on our sofa (How much have I missed the sofa? I'd completely forgotten how nice they are!) watching sky digital, catching up on my tv. Lots of nice food as well.

Well I say nice food, but only after I persuaded the Boyfriend that no, I didn't want sushi. I hate raw fish and it's probably not good for someone with glandular fever. It's probably not good for anyone, in fact. Last night the tv was cruelly removed from me for 6 hours of bollywood fun. He told me after seeing these films he wants to learn Hindi so he doesn't have to read the subtitles. I just know he's going to join some cult, or some obscure religion, like Jainism, or Kaballah (Kabollocks if you ask me...). Sorry if this is offending anyone, but I can't stand faddy people.

So I got home earlier, and flatmate next door informed me that someone, (and by someone we meant CMF) left the cooker on while my tray was on it. Now why would someone turn a cooker on while someone's tray was quite obviously on it? Only a complete asshat would do that! She must have it in for me, probably cuz I haven't bought any nice food recently that she can steal. I cannot express how much I dislike her, she is the very embodiment of everything I dislike. She drinks Sunny D, which is just a bottle of orange chemicals, she cooks everything in the microwave, and she is inappropriate and noisy.

I had to fill the biggest form when I applied for accomodation, I had to tell them everything, like what time I went to bed, what music I liked, how tidy I was, etc. I remember thinking they must work really hard to make sure everyones really similar in the flat. But no, I have nothing in common with any of my flatmates, CMF doesn't even speak our language. The other flatmates think I'm common and northern, and apparantly I'm scum for not having gone to a private school. I think communal living with strangers sucks. I need something really mean to do to CMF when we leave in June...

Friday, February 25

The boyfriend.

I feel I should say a little more about my mum's boyfriend. I have been threatening to write a book about him since he moved in but I know realise writing about him here would be easier and funnier. By the way, yes, he is completely for real, you can come round my house and see the madness for yourself if you want.

He talks really loudly in Spanish all the time. So loudly I can hear him on the phone when I'm in the shower. He has an odd, slightly childish sense of humour, and doesn't really know how to talk to children (which apparantly is what I am). I met him when I was 16, and he kept asking me what toys I had. I asked my mother how to say 'For the love of god man, shut your face!' in Spanish. It was downhill from there.

He doesn't work, but lives off his father, who is immensely rich and a bit of a playboy. So he just sits around the house all day. He claims to have a number of 'businesses' but I think it's all a lie as he does his 'business' from our spare room, which he keeps locked all day. I was never asked if I minded him moving in. He just didn't go home one day, and slowly took over the house with his horrendous stuff. First, the kitchen. He likes to cook and felt the need to fill our kitchen with his odd cooking utensils. He believes in making everything from scratch. Everything. He makes his own pasta, his own sushi and his own bread. He looks at me with scorn when he sees me eating packet pasta with sauce from a jar. He also hates western utensils. He ate christmas dinner with chopsticks.

The worse thing about him is the smoking. He doesn't smoke cigarettes, but has this thing which apparantly 'extracts the nicotine'. He showed it to me one day. A 'persian smoking pipe' said my mum, 'Look how there is less smoke' they said. It was a giant bong. Yes, he keeps bongs in my house, and apparantly they are good for you.

I won't go out with him in public anymore, as he insists on dressing like a member of the russian mafia on holiday. He wears a hat similar to one worn by Zorro, he wears sunglasses all the time, and this massive trench coat that makes him look like a paedophile. He also has a bum bag (fanny pack if you're american) which I have real issues with because it makes him look like a tourist.

I really shouldn't go on, but am finding this all very theraputic (sp?). I just don't understand why my mother likes him. I tell her everyday that he is a weirdo but this seems to endear him to her even more. I tell her he is mad, not mad like my grandmother, but mad like Michael Jackson. I might just write down all the random stuff he does this weekend and post it here. And when I'm done with him I'll tell you about his tycoon father, who I openly refer to as 'The Godfather'....


I'm really not getting any better. I hate being ill. I miss cocktails and I would kill for a strawberry mojito. I'm not hungry anymore, and I'm one of those rare females who is not afraid of food (I have friends who will only eat salads when in public). I feel sick when I eat anything. I've lost 7 pounds in 3 weeks being ill, and I feel really weak.

So, I'm going home tomorrow, my mother thinks it's a little depressing that I'm just sat in my room, ill and alone, and she's not wrong. So she will get the train here and drive me home in my car. I'm so worried, I hate it when she drives my car. You see, my car is a lot smaller and older than her's with a considerably smaller engine. It's quite rural at home, with a lot of little villages that have a 30mph limit. She insists on driving at a constant 45mph, I've seen her go straight past 30mph signs with no sense of recognition at all, and then pisses everyone off by going stupidly slow on a perfectly straight bit of empty road. The other thing it that she has no grasp of how the gears work in my car. She just doesn't change gear. She will be driving at about 35mph in 2nd gear, and the car sounds like it's about to explode and I end up screaming 'Will you change the fucking gear?!' and we fall out.

I should mention my mother's boyfriend, who I have multiple issues with. He's Spanish, which isn't an issue, my mother's Venezuelan so I can see why they would be attracted. But he is mad. Actually crazy. He doesn't work, just lives off his parents money and spends all day at home irritating my brother, and me when I'm there. He makes really odd food and insists on eating EVERYTHING with chopsticks, he's always topless, and is really into Bollywood films, which he watches late at night with the volume really high. There are many other strange things about him, but I don't want to go into it right now. All I will say is that my friends don't believe he's for real, they think we are the recipient of some cruel reality tv style joke. I just don't know how I will cope this weekend. Any ideas?

Your girl is lovely Hubble...

Seeing an old boyfriend can be a number of things. I've found it funny, scary, sad and most recently, intensely relieving. I saw my ex in a pub today and I don't know what he's doing here, as I live quite a while away from our home town. I asked him what the hell he was doing here, and apparantly he's here for 'a night out'. Whatever.

I'm just so angry that he's here, he reminds me of the past and I don't need it. It was always a very tumultuous relationship, on and off for about 19 months. We used to disagree on everything, it was one of those relationships you look back at and wonder what the hell you were thinking. It's not that I regret it, I just don't know why the hell I stuck with him. He was racist, and I myself am half Latin American. He believed students were 'tax dodgers'. He could be so arrogant at times. He went on holiday to Magaluf every year just to get drunk. He had never read a book in his life.

Anyway, I mentioned one day how I intend to live and work abroad and he went off on one, asking me what was so wrong with England, and then said he never wanted to leave our hometown. He was already pissed cuz he knew I was going to uni quite far away, and cuz I was going to South America for six weeks that summer. So I ended it then, telling him I couldn't bear the thought of staying in one town for the rest of my life. There is a whole world out there!

So, later that night I saw him again, kissing some girl. I walked past and said hello, and, I'm not joking, he covered this girl's face up and glared at me. I felt so bad for that poor girl! I came home and watched single girl films, starting with 'The Way We Were'. My ex is no Hubble but I couldn't help but smile when Barbra Streisand said that line...

Thursday, February 24

Men. What is wrong with you?

I'm not hideous or stupid, I have quite nice boobs and I can have intelligent conversations. I'm not needy and I don't pressure guys to get serious. I don't sleep around and I'm not looking to commit, but might be persuaded by the right guy. I have never asked the Jew to be my boyfriend and I never ring him up when drunk promising him a 'good time' as a girl in a similar position may do. So why is he behaving like a total prick?

I knew my short release from the pyjama-wearing, ice cream-eating, cattle-market world that is single wouldn't last long. I need something explaining to me:

You are a man, otherwise known as the Jew. You spent last night with your friend V, who you're kinda seeing and she is ill. You had a nice time last night, and cheered her up and you said you would see her the next night. However, you have now texted her, after she has told her mother not to come see her because she is busy, telling her you are going out for your friend's birthday. She didn't hand an essay in today because she was with you last night. Surely you would have known about this birthday, or if you don't want to see her you could have just said so. Either way she is confused. Why would you behave in such an odd manner?

Slightly less single.

Ok, my essay is due in at 5. I still have not started it, and I have to go to a seminar at 1. Hmmm. Went to see my personal tutor who was very understanding about the whole glandular fever business. He said 'Don't worry about it, it's only your first year. It's all about getting through, your second year is where it starts to matter.' As from now I intend to do NO work, and I have the blessing of my personal tutor!

So the Jew came over last night, he brought pizza and ice cream, which was lovely. It's always nice when guys remember their brain is not in their trousers. And he's coming over later tonight as well, with dvds. My friends won't go anywhere near me cuz apparantly I'm just a big germ right now, so it' nice to have someone treat me like an actual person again. I do like being single, but it's nice to be a slightly less single sometimes, and the Jew is rather fit as well.

My friend told me to go on
this for chav related entertainment, if you're not from the UK, it won't make a lot of sense. The bit where you can name your chav baby is especially good.

Flatmate next door is playing 80s pop very loud, which is grating a little on my tolerance levels. Have put on Duran Duran, two can play at the playing-80s-pop-to-annoy-flatmates game.

Ok, who thinks I should just hand the essay in tomorrow at the expense of 5 marks and the excuse of being ill?

What is it about men? part 2

Bollocks.....the jew is coming over. i have not shaved my legs for a week and i just spilt bronzer on the bed. Bollocks. And I've just had a shower and have uncontrolable hair. And my room! oh god.

What is it about men?

The Jew just texted me being all 'Hey, u out 2nite? not seen you in ages!'. That because you never ring me! AAAAHHH why do guys insist? So I replied, politely informing him that no, I would not be out because: 1. I am ill. 2. I am broke. If he had taken the time to contact me once in a while he would know this!

So I'm quite excited about this job, it's at a fairly posh bar in town, and I had a very amusing conversation with the manager. Apparantly where I live is 'a ghetto', my course is 'not the future really is it?', and I start next week. They were doing speed dating when I went, which was a fairly tragic sight. Like a big cattle market. All the 30-somethings with their white wine spritzers trying to get laid.

Oooooooh, the Jew just texted me saying he wants to come over and 'nurse me'. Why didn't I do my essay earlier?! And Younger guy is also texting congratulating me on my job.....hehehe.

Wednesday, February 23

Employment beckons....

I got a job! Yay! Still haven't started the essay!
I cannot tear myself from this to do the goddam essay!


I have an essay due in tomorrow that I've not even started yet, and it's not going to do itself.....

What is wrong with me? I do this every time. I faff about until the day before it's due, sometimes, the day it's due and then do it in a rush. Uni has turned me lazy, drunk, poor, unemployed and resentful.

Still unemployed.....still ill....

I actually got up for my seminar this morning and tried taking the 'shortcut' my friend suggested to me. Got lost and missed it. I can't believe I got lost, I'm so stupid. Then, headed towards the union and ran into someone who I may potentially add to my list of guys I am 'seeing'. I call him The Comedian, he's really lovely and funny, met him doing same play where I met The Jew, they're friends actually. Anyway, he was all 'Hey V!!! Where you been? How are you?' and I got a kiss on the cheek, which was rather lovely. So told him about my illness and my poverty and he said we should go out for a drink when I've sorted stuff out. So I have a lovely glowing feeling now. Trouble is, he doesn't have my number so he'll have to ask The Jew, which would serve that bastard right for NEVER calling me. Hehehe.

I went into the uni jobcentre which was a complete waste of time. The girl in there was totally useless and all the jobs are for call centres. Anyone want to employ me? It doesn't really matter, if I dont get evicted I'll be thrown out of uni for never going to my classes in the first place.

Tuesday, February 22

'Do Something!' No, please don't......

I'm so poor I just walked a very long way in the snow to a bar in town, just to give a very unenthusiastic someone my cv. Cute barman though.

Anyway, I stopped in at my friends house on the way back, and my friend has a tv, a license, and sky digital, which is very exciting for me as I have none of those things and I havn't watched tv since christmas. Which is obviously a good thing because tv is not good! I put on mtv and enjoyed catching up until Britney's video for 'Do Something' came on. I do realise this has been out for quite some time now, but oh my god the video!!!!

First, her trousers/shorts/capris/jeans, what the hell are they? Then the odd car in the sky thing, which is indeed odd. And her hair! Does she ever wash it? Or at least brush it? And the song is just her yelping as far as I could hear. I was so frightened by the whole thing I felt I had to say something.

Has anyone else been traumatised by this?

I'm so poor it's not even funny anymore!

I just wrote a post and apparantly there was an error so I have to write the ENTIRE thing again. How annoying.

Well, that's made my day of bad things hapenning to me a lot worse. First I was awoken at 830am by CMF playing dancehall music. Now I have nothing against dancehall, I've been known to shake it to a bit of Sean Paul on more than one occasion. But at 830 it is NOT welcome. I do not appreciate being awoken by Elephant Man telling me to 'shake that booty'.

Then, I had my blood test this morning with the meanest nurse. There was no 'hello, hows your mother?' or nice chit-chat. She literally rammed the needle into my arm and told me to come back in a week for the results. What is wrong with uni nurses? Do they have no people skills? It's been more than six hours since the injection and my arm still feels like someone stabbed it earlier. Hell, someone did stab it earlier, that is the last time I let some fat northern nurse called Tracey anywhere near me with a needle.

The other bad thing is a litlle more bad. I am actually so poor now that I want to cry (more). Basically, I have so little money in my account that I cannot pay my rent. I started to cry when I read my bank statement. The post room guy looked quite frightened. And I owe Rach £250 from the deposit on our house and I know she wants it soon. I feel physically sick knowing this information. I cannot ask my Mother cuz she travelled halfway up the bloody country to buy my medicine and give me an earful about where the hell my overdraft has gone. I'm going for a job interview later, so hopefully I'll have it all sorted soon. IfI don't pay up by March 9th they'll add another £20 on. I'm just going to have to live on the 10kg bag of pasta under my bed. And wash my hair with Persil. Ill, and poor. It's not looking good!

On a happier note, I went to a seminar today and made valuable contributions. I got a 'bonus point' from my tutor for knowing when the first dictionary was published, and made several comments that he called 'excellent'. However, the oddest thing hapenned in class. We were asked to read 4 lines each from a poem written in Middle English, which everyone found really funny, but actually quite useful. Apart from one girl. Who started to cry when she it was her turn. She said she didn't want to do the silly Middle English accent. I'm not being mean or saying it was funny, but it was just so random. I do believe it is the strangest thing I've ever seen in a seminar.

I look like the saddest thing right now, I can't be bothered to cook and am eating cold sweetcorn from the tin, clutching my bank statement. So apart from a lack of money, job, and a sympathetic parent, I'm great. Oh, and I'm still single. Even better.

Monday, February 21

I have glanduar fever and my mother is coming to see me.

I went to the doctors today. My tonsils have been nastily swollen for two weeks now. I got a nasty letter from the Spanish dept saying I've got to go explain myself. With a doctors note. So off I went. The doctor was lovely, although confused as to why I'd allow myself to have tonsils the size of golf balls for two weeks. He felt my neck and said he was sure I had glandular fever. I wanted to cry. Glandular fever!!!! That's not fun.

I go for my blood test tomorrow. What's quite sad is that he gave me a prescription for antibiotics, and I can't get them because I've spent all my money!

So told my mother about all the palava and she insisted on driving up. With my brother as well, so I'm trying to make my room look like a room and not like Beirut. No doubt she will make some snide comment about how unsafe it is to park the car where I live, before going for dinner in an obscenely posh restaurant, like I need reminding how poor I am.

My mother and glandular fever in one day. What exactly is it that I'm being punished for?!

A weekend obsessed with skanks.

Oh my god, I've never been so happy IN MY LIFE to have a Monday. All my wussy friends went home to see their parents this weekend so I spent Thursday until Sunday alone in my room with fa to do. I think my laptops going to explode cuz I havn't turned it off for about 5 days. I havn't opened my curtains. I have spent 4 days in my pyjamas. I have seen every episode ever of Sex And The City. Me and my friend spent Saturday night on msn to each other amusing ourselves with websites about how skanky Britney is.

When I was a little girl I did not imagine my glamourous uni life would be spent mainly in bed. What happened to the fabulous all night parties? The gorgeous men? The oh-so-fun friends? No. It's all a big lie. Like when my Dad told me all my spots would go away when I turned 16. Did they go away? Did they f*ck!

It's so nice to finally leave my flat. I made everyone on msn fall out with me cuz I was in such an arsey mood. There was one fairly amusing incident though. My friend Jamie is friends with a girl called Zoe. At school she was known as 'Zoe The Skank' or 'Ho-y Zoe'. She is an eyesore on the face of this earth and makes me want to spontaneously vomit. No-one really likes her and in the pub in sixth form everyone used to point and laugh, or sometimes just point and say 'erghhhhh!'. She always had her tits out and was loud and annoying. She woud go for a night out and pass out. Every time. She was a skank. She would steal people's boyfriends, spread rumours, just do anything that would ensure her unpopularity.

Anyhow, sorry for ranting. Jamie came online and mentioned he'd been out with her. 'Is she still a skank?' I asked, 'How does the sight of her not fill you with nausea?'. He was offended but I just couldn't stop. 'She's a pile of skank', I went on, 'She dresses like a whore, she has killed all her ex-boyfriends with her stinking rotten vagina!'. I then went on about how she is a modern-day Medusa, tainting all that know her with her skank. Jamie blocked me and we have not spoken since. This is what being alone for 4 days did to me! For no reason whatsoever, I felt the need to rant. And rant. And rant. Like I said, THANK GOD it is Monday. I need a drink in one hand and a fit man in the other. And soon.

Sunday, February 20

A little about me....

I've been thinking about doing a blog for quite some time now as my life seems to amuse those closest to me, not necessarily a good thing, but. So.... a little about me. Hmmm. I'm a student, I'm 19, female, straight, single, enjoys a drink or 5, I like my music, I like my men.... Nothing out of the ordinary.

I like:
  • Dancing. A lot.
  • Cocktails. Especially mojitos. Mmmm.
  • 80s films. Especially ones involving cocktails and dancing....
  • Holidays.
  • Shoes.

I don't like:

  • My mother when she feels the need to call me and acts like being single is a crime.
  • My hair (most days).
  • Certain Malaysian flatmates who steal my milk and spoons.
  • Being late.
  • Short men.

The bane of my life right now is a Certain Malaysian Flatmate (hereby CMF) . I would use her name, but no-one knows how to spell it or pronounce it so it's CMF. Actually, she's the bane of everyones life. I live with 4 girls- R, a control freak who doesn't drink, smoke, go out or have sex. She is in fact, a nun. Then there's L, slightly gothy, horrendous taste in men, and Z, who likes to start fights and makes amusing scathing remarks. Yes, CMF is the bane of our lives. She steal ice cream from R, milk from L and chicken from Z. She has extremely loud conversations with her relatives at 4 am and she smells kinda strange.

She appeared one day after our fun first flatmate left. We came home one day to find our fridge crammed with boxes containing foul green stuff. And our nice roomy kitchen was home to a plethora of boxes. My dislike began on her third day here. I had made a large loaf of bread (I like to cook) and I told everyone to try a bit. Now this wasn't your average sized piece of bread. No. It was the size of a small child, it took over the oven. It was bread of epic proportions. So off i went to my room, returned to the kitchen and half of it had gone. In puzzlement I asked L, she didn't know. Then CMF wandered in and I asked her if she had eaten my bread. 'Yeah', she replied. 'The whole mfing half a piece?' 'Yeah you told me to try a bit'. I glared. And glared. And so my hatred began.

Another, lesser, bane of my life is men. I'm currently 'seeing' and I use that word in the loosest way possible, the following men:

  • The Jew. I met him doing a play last year. Tall, dark, good looking, good, er, skills.... After telling me he was 'confused', he stood me up on New Years Eve, when I was on the opposite side of the country and had to sleep in a train station. Then we had a little date 3 weeks ago and stuff, erm, happened....
  • The Younger Guy. Very sweet, met last summer, fell out with me for going to uni but we are now talking via messenger. We'll see with this one.
  • The Older Guy. Fit financial advisor I met some weeks ago back home. I think he's too old for me but could have some fun.
  • The Ginge. My first ginge! Friend of a friend. Walked into my friends flat last week to find it full of men, he was my favourite. Sweet guy, nice body, lots of fun.

I guess I do quite well for a single girl, sometimes. I've had some horrendous dates. There was The Gangster with gold teeth and a tattoo on his stomach saying 'Thug Life' who turned up and asked me the value of everything in my room. There was Little Man who I met sitting down. I'm only 5'3" and he turned up the next day and was a mere 5'. I actually ran away from that one. Although, amusingly, he pulled my friend Soph some weeks later. She was all like 'ooooh i met this guy, his parents are spanish and he does biology. But hes kinda short'. I was like 'noooooooooooooooooooo escape!'. The guy asked if he could kiss me for god's sake! When she saw him the next week she was almost sick on her shoes. Ick!

I do have a lot of fun though. I have the most wonderful friends. Rach, Jen, Ash, Clare and Soph are the ones I spend most of my time with. Jen and Ash are together and make the rest of us nauseous with comments such as 'I don't mind swallowing. Ash tastes nice'. You don't wanna know what our response to that one was. I've got a house for next year, with my friends. We decided on a No-Sex-Outside-Bedrooms rule. Jen and Ash's reponse? 'Awwwww..... but there's a bath!'. They are possibly the only thing that makes me thank god, ten times, that I'm single and will never repulse anyone with my love of my boyfriends cum.